Dear Unjust People*,
I just wanted to tell you all what a great job you’re doing at your various professions. I find no fault whatsoever with the ways in which you conduct your professional lives and that is quite significant.
To the politicians: Thank you. Thank you for taking control of my life so I don’t possibly have a chance to. It really means a lot. I know that you care because you vote on things that don’t even effect you because of your economic status. It shows me that you are sacrificing your time for those less fortunate than you are. And keep flying those private jets! They are a symbol of hope for the country! They give us something to strive for: SUCCESS WILL BE OURS!
To the youth: Listen to the great scholars (American Eagle Outfitters and Rihanna). Do as they say and just “Live your life (eehhh ehhhh ehhh ehhh ehhh).” I’m sure you don’t need me to remind you of that, right? You already live your life! You live it every day, whether not paying any attention to the economy or the bailout (two things that will effect you severely in the future) or simply being the competitive little devils you are. You go kids!
To the companies and businesses: In these tough times, in must be difficult to stay afloat. I cannot believe the amount of tenacity you all have to still be standing here today! You’ve increased your prices: what a great idea! You’ve decreased your stores and laid off thousands of employees: how economically thoughtful! And on top of all that, people are still coming to your stores. My, my, my, you boys are living the American Dream.
To the celebrities: I think you are just the bees knees. With the Oscars coming up this Sunday, I cannot wait to see the Best and Worst Dressed for 2009. It almost seems like you haven’t even been affected by the downturning economy! But you aren’t just glamorous, you also care about the environment, so much that you take private planes to get to the environmental fundraisers and events because you don’t want Global Warming to increase anymore! How thoughtful. Mother Earth certainly thanks you.
To you: Thanks for reading this (if you did). It was probably painful. (*You are not considered and Unjust Person.)
photo credit: oyster